Tuesday 5: Short and Sick

1. How was your Christmas, Fellow Adventurers? Most of the Intrigue Family had a killer head cold, so we were thankful we didn’t have much planned. Our British neighbors brought over figgy pudding and then we went around to eat authentic Chinese food at our other neighbor’s house. It was a good food day, at least. 

2. Speaking of the head cold, The International Man of Intrigue insists he had it much worse than the rest of us and was much more miserable. I’ll just leave that there. 

3. I forgot until this morning, when I nailed Arthur Dent in the upper thigh with a Nerf dart, that I am, in fact, a crack shot, with both pretend and real ammunition. You want me on your zombie apocalypse team, Fellow Adventurers.

4. Laura Ingalls Wilder broke the delete key on my laptop. I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere, but I erased it. 

5. The other day, my phone autocorrected RSVP to taco. Now, I’d always RSVP yes to a taco party, but this does seem a bit of a stretch, even for a piece of electronics that thinks I keep typing “ducking.”

Tuesday 5: Swinging from the Chandeliers

1. I just finished filling out 60 pages of paperwork so the Little Explorers and I can spend four hours at the doctor’s office tomorrow on the off chance that the major government entity that employs The International Man of Intrigue decides to send us back overseas next year. Of course, the 60 pages I filled out, plus the eight more to fill out later may be completely pointless if we get assigned to stay in the United States. Seriously, 60 pages. I have writers’ cramp.

2. In the further adventures of keeping my kids alive, last week, before 7 am, Arthur Dent attempted to swing from the chandelier in my bedroom. Kids are exhausting, even when you’ve just had a full night’s sleep.

3. Laura Ingalls Wilder is a talker. She has lots to say. Unfortunately for her, when she says the “sp” sound, it comes out as “f.” So “spoon” sounds like “foon.” Endearing took a turn toward hilarious when I told Laura Ingalls Wilder and Arthur Dent that we would stop and get a Sprite if they were good in the post office. She immediately started screaming, “Fight! I wanna fight, mommy! Fight mommy! I wanna fight!” 

4. I’m taking Gertrude Bell and Amelia Earhart to see the new Star Wars movie tomorrow. They’re super excited. Amelia Earhart even reminded me that they have Princess Leia shirts to wear. I’d almost forgotten that last year I bought them matching shirts with a cartoon Princess Leia on the front that say “Self Rescuing Princess.” I loved the message and they love Leia, so it was a win. 

5. Last week, before Mass started, I could hear bits of conversation from the two older ladies in front of me. One of them said, no less than three times, “Butterscotch White Russian.” I love being Catholic.

Tuesday 5: Coffee with Baileys and Harry Potter

1. It’s that time of year again. Laura Ingalls Wilder just turned two, and tonight I’ll sit at the computer and try to figure out how to write a letter to a woman who loved her child so much she never looked at her own baby’s face. It’s so difficult. Everything I want to say seems like too much and not enough at the same time. 

2. We’ve been catching up on Doctor Who around here. I’m bothered by one thing. No, not the time travel, or that aliens seem to choose London over all other possible places in the universe to land, but that Clara has no case on her iPhone. Clara Oswald, you are a middle school teacher. You also happen to travel through time and space on a regular basis. I refuse to believe you are not constantly breaking your phone. Get an Otterbox on that thing, stat.

3. I belong to several Facebook groups. Who doesn’t. I thought most of them were pretty normal. I was visiting one last week and saw a discussion about Harry Potter. I was shocked to see this from another woman in the group, 

“I burned all our copies of the books upon the recommendations of a priest I trust very much.  He basically told me that the devil uses those books and materials as a portal into your home.  Witchcraft is on the rise for a reason.  Hollywood and Harry Potter have made it cool.  It is dangerous and my children will not be reading or viewing these materials no matter how "harmless" they are marketed to be.” 

WHAT THE FRESH HELL? I do not discount that there is such a thing as real evil. I also do not discount that some people are very uncomfortable with the Harry Potter series. To each his own. I do discount the fact that she burned the books. Know who else burned books they didn’t like? Nazis. 

4. I love bold, black eyeliner. I hope it doesn’t go out of style again. That’s all. Carry on.

5. Sometimes I drink coffee in the late afternoon. This is generally a coping mechanism. Today I made coffee in the late afternoon, then the Little Explorers were so crazy and I needed to get everyone out the door to a holiday program that it got cold and I forgot about it. I just got home, noticed the sad, forgotten coffee, and decided to dump Bailey’s in it and call it a nightcap. Cheers!

Tuesday 5: The Soapboxes Will Continue Until Behavior Improves

1. One thing no one ever tells you about having kids is how much work it is just to make sure they stay alive. I’m talking about beyond the normal things like food and shelter. Not five seconds ago, I found myself screaming, “ARTHUR DENT, GET DOWN FROM THE STAIRWAY WALL BEFORE YOU FALL AND BREAK YOUR NECK!” The Intrigues spent Thanksgiving weekend at a beach house, and besides the obvious of not letting the Little Explorers drown, we got to shout such gems as, “DON’T DRINK THE OCEAN!” and “SAND IS NOT FOR EATING!” and “WE DON’T PUT PLASTIC WATER BOTTLE CAPS IN OUR MOUTHS!” all in the span of about three minutes. Exhausting. Just exhausting.

2. I just started reading “Career of Evil” by Robert Galbraith (aka J.K. Rowling), and I have to say, I really love this book. It’s the third in a series. I thoroughly enjoyed the first one, and when I read the second, was pleasantly surprised that it was even better than the first. A third of the way through book three, and I have to commend Ms. Rowling for upping the bar again. If you haven’t read this series of books, consider this your recommendation.

3. So, my issue of the week, or possibly of the next however many years, is that I can barely tolerate watching the news. I feel a strong rift between the part of me that knows it is important to be an informed citizen of the nation and the world and the part of me that wants to guard my heart from the hurt that comes every time I turn on the TV or look at a media site. I can’t believe there’s a presidential candidate who is a step away from internment camps and gold crescent moons on people’s clothing and there are Americans who are ok with it. I can’t believe that there are people who can’t speak about gun control without alienating everyone who has ever lawfully owned a gun. I ca’t believe that race relations are as bad as they were in the 1960s. Most of all, I can’t believe we are so polarized as a nation that if you don’t pick a side, you’re wrong. Anyway, I have only skimmed the headlines this week, because honestly, it makes me cry. Poor The International Man of Intrigue. I can’t even begin to discuss most current events topics without bursting into tears, the plight of Syrian refugees being the most likely to leave me a sobbing mess. So, I find myself forced to do what I had to do when The International Man of Intrigue spent years at a time in the most dangerous places in the world, and unplugging myself from the news. I feel guilty for being unengaged, but ultimately, I’m ok with it, and anyone who thinks less of me for it doesn’t need a place in my head right now.

4. On a lighter, but related, note, Arthur Dent’s winter program was tonight. Little kids singing songs about Diwali, Ramadan, Christmas, and general happiness give me hope. Arthur Dent dressed as Santa gave me a smile so big that my face still hurts. That little dude was adorable.

5. And, finally, being the best wife ever means buying The International Man of Intrigue a Halo Edition X-Box One for our 12th wedding anniversary, after he convinced me that 12 is the year you exchange electronics. This also means I’m not watching anything new, except Halo, now that we’ve finished the masterpiece that was “Jessica Jones.” Seriously, I love all the shows with strong female leads that are out now.