Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Tuesday 5: Of Authors and Imagination

1. What does it say about the state of my life, when sprinting out of a book club in front of a semi-famous author really isn’t a low point? 

Yesterday, I walked two doors down to the General Lee’s to attend book club. We read “Lottery” by Patrica Wood. The author just happens to reside on Oahu and has an acquaintance in our book club. Being the only parent on this side of the globe, I was also juggling Laura Ingalls Wilder who was fighting some upper respiratory stuff, and the other three Little Explorers, who had tae kwon do. I enlisted one of the Grace Smith to babysit. She watched Laura Ingalls Wilder until I got back with the big Little Explorers, then took care of them all while I rushed down to book club, only a few minutes late. I was just starting to enjoy Mrs. Wood’s insight and an antipasto plate when I got a text, “Laura Ingalls Wilder is throwing up.” I sprinted out the door and down the block like Usain Bolt. (Ok, actually, I walked quickly. I don’t run. Ever.) Turns out Laura Ingalls Wilder was coughing so hard, she threw up. I got everything cleaned up and was about to send the sitter home, but she insisted on staying, since Laura Ingalls Wilder was highly unlikely to throw up again. I slunk back down to book club and into the back of the room. 

2. Laura Ingalls Wilder’s illness actually manifested a couple of weeks ago in the form of an eye and ear infection. I had a brilliant idea to skip the big pink hospital on the hill and drive further inland to an army post with an acute care clinic, thinking I’d save myself time, or at least be on my own schedule. When I mentioned my plan to Laura Ingalls Wilder, she lost her mind. “I SAID I’M NOT SICK. I DON’T WANT TO GO TO A CUTE FAIR. I FEEL FINE.” Fellow Adventurers, she did not feel fine. And the “a cute fair” would have been a great idea, had I not arrived to find out that every Army medical center in the entire Pacific was offline. I’ll spare you the details, but we did get everything worked out.

3. You probably all know, Fellow Adventurers, that Hawaii’s nickname is “The Rainbow State.” There are rainbows in the sky pretty much daily. Two weeks ago, I finally got to see the end of the rainbow. Not just see it, drive right through it. It was a little disappointing, but I definitely could tell the light changed as I drove through it. There was no pot of gold, though, which was disappointing, to say the least.

4. The Little Explorers’ latest fight over something imaginary was when they were playing restaurant not too long ago. Amelia Earhart made pretend money out of paper and Gertrude Bell owned the restaurant. Arthur Dent wandered in and placed his order at the pretend counter and dutifully counted out his paper currency. 

When his order arrived  on a pretend plate at his table, he looked at it with some disappointment and asked politely, “Excuse me, can I get some cheese on this?” 

Gertrude Bell stated firmly, “Cheese costs extra.” 

“Ok, I’ll pay extra.” he agreed. “Here’s $50.”

“NO. That is NOT how it works, Arthur Dent. You didn’t order cheese in the first place, so NO CHEESE FOR YOU.” 

Cue fisticuffs. 

End scene.


5. Watching? Reading? I have quite a pile of books growing on my nightstand. I think the next three to get my attention are, in this order, “A Study in Charlotte” by Brittany Cavallaro, “A Man Called Ove” by Fredrik Backman, and “American Gods” by Neil Gaiman. 

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Tuesday 5: Squad Goals and Chickens


1. On the way home from school today, Arthur Dent and Laura Ingalls Wilder argued over whether they were watching Star Wars or Doc McStuffins on the DVD in the car. The yelling got so heated that Gertrude Bell chimed in, incensed, that Laura Ingalls Wilder had been watching Doc McStuffins first and Arthur Dent shouldn’t try to change it. PLOT TWIST! We don’t even have a DVD player in the car. They were arguing over an imaginary entertainment system.

2. I feel like I’ve been remiss in not introducing you Fellow Adventurers to what kids these day call my “ride or die.” Fortune smiled on The Intrigues when we ended up with neighbors like these. Our “squad” saved us from the brink of insanity during this first month of deployment and, I imagine, every month we have left. So, without further ado, I present the General Lees and the Dean Smiths. Mrs. General Lee hails from Georgia, and her husband Mr. General Lee is a Hawaiian native who grew up as an Army brat. They have twin girls the same age as Amelia Earhart, an older daughter, and a son, Mac Lee, who is Arthur Dent’s brother from another mother. The two of them are inseparable. The General Lees also have another major bonding point with The Intrigues. Mac Lee and Laura Ingalls Wilder are both our kids through interracial adoption. The Dean Smiths, who obviously went to UNC, complete the trifecta of neighbor awesomeness, have four girls and one boy. Their youngest girl, Lauren Smith, is the Larry to Mac Lee and Arthur Dent’s Curly and Moe. Mr. Dean Smith is also deployed at the moment, so Mrs. Dean Smith is my deployment wife. Now that they’ve been introduced, expect to see a lot more of them in the Tuesday 5.

3. Today, when we arrived home and calmed down from the imaginary DVD fight, Arthur Dent asked if he could play Star Wars Battlefront on the X-Box. I agreed to it but told him to go get Mac Lee to play with him. A few minutes later, I heard Arthur Dent make a beeping noise and tell Mac Lee to come over to play with him. Apparently, he was using telepathy to send Mac Lee the X-Box message. I shooed him out the door to deliver the message in person.

4. Every morning, I drive the Little Explorers, Mac Lee, and Grace Smith (Smith kid number 2 of 5) to school. On the way to Grace Smith’s school, we pass by a swath of land that’s narrow and goes back at least the full block. It would be like an alley if it was paved, but it’s grass and trees. And chickens. Wild chickens reside there. The kids have named it “Chicken Hangout” and Mac Lee made up a catchy theme song to sing when we pass by. Last week, there were two baby chicks among the chickens at Chicken Hangout. We’re watching them grow and hoping they make it to full sized chickens.

5. Starting a sentence, “I remember during the war,” makes me feel old. Sometimes I do it anyway.