Sunday, April 22, 2012

Squirrel Update

Happy Earth Day. We celebrated yesterday and today by helping to release squirrels into the wild.

That’s right, apparently sealing up the attic only resulted in the squirrels coming into the main part of the house. The first was yesterday during lunch. I walked around the corner to get Arthur Dent some water and saw a squirrel in the kitchen. I squealed, it squealed. I ran, it ran. Unfortunately for it, and us, it ran through the family dining room where we were eating and there was more squealing. The little guy ran into the sitting room and disappeared. We opened the front door and tried to find it to chase it out, but it was nowhere to be found. A half hour or so later, The International Man of Intrigue found it cowering in a window gate and helped it out the front door, like a proper visitor.

Tonight during dinner, we heard a high pitched whistling sound coming from the formal dining room. It was at this point my mind flashed to the gopher in Caddy Shack. Were the squirrels out to get us? Upon further investigation, we discovered a squirrel running around the skylight area and back and forth across the rafters. We tried to encourage it to leave, but the high whistling sound continued. It was obvious the little guy was in distress for some reason. We assumed it couldn’t figure out how to leave, until The International Man of Intrigue went to the other side of the dining room for a better look and discovered another squirrel hovered in the doorway. It had either fallen or climbed down and couldn’t get back up. The International Man of Intrigue walked softly closer, speaking in a calm voice, assuring the little squirrel he was only going to open the door so it could go back outside. Too bad she wasn’t buying it. She darted across the dining room as he opened the door. Luckily, she seemed young and confused and didn’t hide, so she was quickly herded back outside.

It’s at this point I have to wonder where this whole squirrel hotel business is heading. Do they expect continental breakfast? It’s possible they only come in because Arthur Dent’s angry scream sounds exactly like a squirrel distress call. If that’s the case, I need him to figure out how to screech, “I’m fine, please go back outside.” If they’re here because they’re staying, I’d like them to pay some rent, or at least move back into the attic.

Interestingly enough, as I was researching these little guys, it turns out that some Sri Lankans keep them as pets. I think I’ll pass on that one, if I’m given a choice in the matter. Happy Earth Day to you, Fellow Adventurers. Go forth and make friends with a squirrel today.

By the way, "squirrel" is one of those words, that, after you type it a dozen or so times, suddenly looks really weird and wrong, like when you're a kid and you say a word over and over until it sounds like nonsense. I'd almost convinced myself I'd misspelled it, but it's just a weird looking word.

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