Tuesday Random 5: My House Stinks

1. I mentioned last week I was watching Elementary. I was also reading The Last of August, a Sherlock Holmes inspired novel. I may have been overdoing it on the Sherlock, if such a thing is possible. If I suddenly express an interest in going into private investigation as a second career, you may need to talk me off that ledge, Fellow Adventurers.

2. I’m pretty non-confrontational for the most part. I try to go with the flow. If I get the wrong order in a restaurant, unless it’s something I just don’t care for, I’ll usually take it anyway. Last week, I’d had enough. Amazon Prime only sort of applies in Hawaii. It’s supposed to be 3-5 day shipping. Lately, it’s been taking two weeks or more. I was starting to get a little salty. Then, a book I wanted to read in time for book club showed an arrival date of over two weeks after I ordered. Nope. I went into their live chat to express my displeasure to customer service. In the end, I got a free month of Prime and a promise this wouldn’t happen again, which I took a screenshot of, because it will. Regardless, score one for not sitting back and putting up with less than I paid for.

3. Arthur Dent is trying to drive me to an early grave. Last week at Taekwondo, he decided to climb over the back of the bleachers that are at the gym. He fell off the back, slightly scraping his leg. After class, he was sitting backward on the bottom bleacher and fell over backwards onto the concrete, scraping his back and putting a lump the size of a golfball on the back of his head. I was afraid he gave himself a concussion. I even consulted a friend and fellow Kansan who happens to be a nurse. Luckily, he’s fine. Don’t worry, he didn’t learn anything from his experience. He was climbing on the bleachers last night, despite my nearly coming unglued. Climb on, Arthur Dent. Climb on.

4. I noticed a commercial for a remake of Flatliners last night. Is there no 80’s or 90’s movie they won’t remake?

5. I’m having trouble concentrating. I let Amelia Earhart make kalua pig in the crock pot. It’s basically Hawaiian smoked pork. Now my whole house smells like pork, which is a winner for some people, but is absolutely nausea inducing for me. I didn’t think it would smell like this or I wouldn’t have let her do it. Anyway, I have to go smell a candle or put some Vick’s under my nose or something.

Tuesday Random 5: Of Sherlock and More Sherlock

My house is in post Costco shopping chaos. It’s time to fix dinner. But I have things to say. I’m going to step over the box of goldfish and the case of microwave popcorn (I’m tired. The International Man of Intrigue is deployed. I’m feeling accomplished there isn’t a case of Snickers to step over.) and feed my Little Explorers chicken nuggets and write the things.

1. Today, I had a morning. I messaged my friends things all morning like, “I’m killing it!” and “Totally winning at life today!” Most days, I have a timeline for the things I need to do. I give myself generous windows, because life has taught me that things always come up. Today I had a million and five things to do. I planned that most of them would be a stretch to get done before I had to pick the Little Explorers up, and I’d have a car full of groceries and Little Explorers by 1p.m. Instead, things fell into place. It was like I had one of those time turner things from Harry Potter. I snuck little errands in between bigger errands that suddenly had larger gaps between them than usual. I even had time to run home and unload the groceries and put the cold things away, but not the dry goods- see introduction. It was magical. Laura Ingalls Wilder even fell asleep in the car, so I parked in carline at school early and had 30 minutes to read. Bliss.

2. Good thing it was bliss because then it all fell apart. Two of three Little Explorers in the car were already screaming at each other and threatening bodily harm before they were even buckled in. My package came from Gap. One used and ripped and reeking of perfume skirt. Funny. I don’t remember Gap offering used clothing online. My two best friends and lots of other people I love posting pictures from the U2 concert in Kansas City. Someone on a Facebook page said something mean about a group of people and it made me sad and mad because the Facebook page should be full of people that are kind and loving. Then I got sad. I felt sorry for myself for not being in KC. I felt angry that I can’t change people’s minds, and angry at myself for arguing with someone on the internet. We all know how stupid that is, Fellow Adventurers. I looked around at the chaos piled everywhere in my house and I got overwhelmed. I thought, “Why couldn’t the day continue to be awesome.” Then I remembered something a friend who was struggling with negativity said. I decided to try it. Instead of saying, “Why couldn’t the day continue to be awesome,” I said, “I’m so glad I had such an awesome morning so I can let all this little crap this afternoon roll off my back.” You know what, it worked. I’m happy that my friends are at U2, even if I can’t be, because they’ll take pictures and send them to me and I know they miss me. I’m going to feed my Little Explorers and clean up the kitchen, and put them to bed early for extra quiet reading time. I can still get my workout in and I’m sure to sleep well tonight. 

3. So, it turns out it’s been a couple of hours since I wrote #2. A neighbor walked over to talk for a few minutes and then I made the Little Explorers clean up. The house is still pretty chaotic, but I don’t have to step over any goldfish. The workout is done, too, and I’m watching Elementary. I’ve only watched the first several episodes, but I think i’ll enjoy it and stick with it. I don’t like it as well as the BBC Sherlock, but Elementary does have that it puts out more than three episodes every two years going for it. Also, I’m obsessed with Lucy Liu’s eyelashes. I’m pretty sure they're extensions. What are you watching, Fellow Adventurers?

4. Reading anything enjoyable? I’m reading an as yet unpublished book by a friend. It’s brilliant and amazing and I hope it gets published someday. Next up is to finish The Last of August, yet another riff on Sherlock Holmes. This is the second in a trilogy by Brittany Cavallaro. After that, or maybe before, depending on when Amazon Prime feels like delivering to Hawaii, is Moloka’i by Alan Brenner. (The two day Amazon Prime shipping doesn't apply here. The 3-5 days they promise is a FAKE LIE, too, but that's a separate rant.) Moloka'i is for book club, hence the pause on everything else.

5. I just realized I picked at dinner. It’s now almost 9 pm and I’m starving. To have a snack or not to have a snack? That is the question. The answer is probably no, but I’m going to go to bed and read so it stays no. Peace out, Fellow Adventurers.

Tuesday Random 5: Good Eats Edition

I know. It’s been literally months. Those months have been some of the hardest for me in a long time, for lots of reasons, which maybe I’ll share another day. For now, I’m happy to be finally pulling out of the mud and muck that was the last three or four months.

1. Generally speaking, being told that I’m going to hell makes me angry at first, then with a little time, I find it kind of hilarious. I have a dark sense of humor like that. I was told several times before the election that I was going to hell if I didn’t vote for Trump. I am generally ok with this. My latest moment of damnation came this morning. A friend tagged me when she reposted something I had posted about raising children of color. One of her “friends” (I use the term very loosely) used the opportunity to go on a racist tirade, laced with sentences like “Black people do this thing.” “I knew a black person that did this bad thing.” “Black people are bad because they do this.” Now, I don’t really enjoy arguing on the internet. I know some people enjoy a good debate. I don’t. At all. But I had recently promised myself I would no longer scroll on by when someone posted something racist or made a racist comment on a friend’s post. I really have come to the conviction that silence at this juncture is wrong. Since I was tagged in the post, I commented pretty succinctly that her words were racist and not ok. Cue more outrage at blacks and outrage at being called a racist. Again, I hate debating on the internet. I’m not going to go twelve rounds with someone who has no intention of giving up her point of view. So, knowing that this woman had gotten her Master’s degree in religion at a well known Catholic source of higher education, I simply said, “That comment was racist. Racism is a sin against God and neighbor.” Cue more crap being spewed as some of my friend’s friends got hot under the collar with her behavior. In the end, this woman’s parting shot was that if racism is a sin, I shouldn’t forget that calumny is a mortal sin. Seriously. This woman has a Masters in religion. I have a Bachelors. I’m pretty sure we both know what calumny is, and sister, that ain’t it. So, anyway, I’m allegedly going to hell for that. Punch my ticket right next to the going to hell for not voting for Trump box. I have no shame for either. 

2. On a lighter note, television. I finished the latest season of Orange is the New Black and Bloodline on the same day. (Look at me using MLA and/or APA style for a change.) That night of viewing was heavy. I had to binge a season of The Great British Baking Show as a palette cleanser. Right now, I’m watching Ozark on Netflix. It’s pretty dark and gritty, I’d say in the vein of Breaking Bad with somewhat less cursing. I’ve been breaking that up with Midsomer Murders and cooking shows. 

3. My Fauxfallo Chicken Dip recipe has neared perfection. It’s a vegan version of buffalo chicken dip, that cheesy, spicy, gooey concoction found on tables during parties. For me, it wasn’t so much about leaving the chicken out- I’d add that back in if I felt the need- but sending the dairy packing, and having a healthier version of a favorite. I’ve worked my tail off the last three months and have lost about 10 pounds so far. I want to enjoy my food, and spicy stuff like this is my favorite. It’s never going to be as delicious and addictive as the original, but this one can be eaten every day and still hits the high notes of the original. The bonus is that Gertrude Bell likes it as well, and she hates everything, including beans. Tell her there are beans in it and I’ll cut you. Here’s the recipe:

Fauxfallo Chicken Dip

1 can of beans. I used pinto because that’s what I had in the pantry. You can use chickpeas or great northern beans or whatever, as long as they’re light in color and mild in flavor. 

1 carrot

1-2 stalks of celery

2ish cups of cauliflower

Franks Hot Sauce

The key to this is really the beans. Drain them and rinse them and put them in a blender with a bunch of Hot Sauce. How much? I don’t know your taste buds. However spicy you like your dip. Turn this into a little hot sauce smoothie. This will provide the creamy texture and the heft of the dip. When it’s blended, scrape it into a bowl. Dump the carrot, celery, and cauliflower in the blender or food processor. You want it to be pretty finely diced when you’re through. Too big and it will be hard to eat because the veggies are raw. Too small and you won’t have any texture or crunch. Don’t like cauliflower? Give it a try here. The peppery taste of raw cauliflower goes well with the flavors of the dip.. Stir it all together and taste it. Add more Franks if needed.  Bam. Delicious. 

Now, listen, Fellow Adventurers, if eating a vegan dish isn’t your jam, feel free to add some sour cream or blue cheese or whatever. Add shredded chicken. You do you. Gertrude Bell likes to eat this on celery sticks. I usually bundle it up in a tortilla with lettuce and call it a buffalo wrap. I'm already looking forward to having it for lunch tomorrow. 

4. I just finished reading a real page turner. I couldn’t put it down until I finished every word. Laura Ingalls Wilder clung to my arm with anticipation. Even Arthur Dent pretended not to be too interested. It Hurts When I Poop is an informative look at the inner workings of bowels. I’d recommend it for anyone who doesn't like to poop. 

5. I actually did finally finish American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Despite the fact that it took me somewhere in the neighborhood of the entire freaking summer to read, it really made an impression. Towards the very end a couple of lines stuck out to me because they relate so fully to my current feelings. “He wondered whether home was a thing that happened to a place after a while, or if it was something that you found in the end, if you simply walked and waited and willed it long enough.” 

Tuesday 5: I Still Have a Blog? Edition

1. Well, look, I still have a blog! I promised myself I’d get a post up today, so here I am, at 930 at night, Hawaii time, getting started. Honestly, it’s been a hard few months, and in particular a hard last month. The kids were short tempered and moody, and, frankly, so was I, which exacerbated the kids' mood, which exacerbated my mood, ad nauseum. My parents arrived for a visit a few days after school was out, and it was a game changer. I didn’t realize how much being everything for everyone 24/7 can wear you down. I can count on both hands the number of times I’ve been away from all of my kids at once in the last four months. Just running out alone for a loaf of bread when my parents were here felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. 

2. Amelia Earhart and Gertrude Bell flew back to the mainland with my parents. They’ll return to Hawaii with The International Man of Intrigue’s parents in a few weeks. They miss me and I definitely miss them, but mixing up our rut is proving beneficial for everyone. Also, do you have any idea what it’s like feeding and doing laundry for three instead of six?! It’s pretty amazing.

3. A couple of weeks ago, a smoke detector started beeping the low battery beep at 9 pm. I told my friend Dani, “Like any self-respecting smoke detector, it waited until night to start.” She responded, “No, that smoke detector respects YOU. A self-respecting smoke detector waits until 1 am.” 

4. I was filling up a care package for The International Man of Intrigue. He’d requested things like toothpaste and deodorant and his sunscreen/aftershave. As I purchased things I realized that if I was buying in multiples, it was even numbers. Four tubes of toothpaste. Two sticks of deodorant. Three sunscreen lotions. Ok, it was going to be four, but three was all that was left. I definitely prefer even numbers, but do any of the rest of you Fellow Adventurers buy things in evens?

5. Reading/Watching: The reading list is long and not budging. I’ve been reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman for months. I like it, I just don’t have time to carve out for reading. I’m also perusing The Taco Cleanse cookbook. It’s a vegan taco cookbook. I’m going to try my hand at making corn tortillas this week, and making tofu taco shake and bake filling to go inside. I’m watching Bloodline, because I have a friend who worked on this last season. It’s not something I’d have picked up on my own, but I do like it. It’s also fun to rehash the episodes with her and for her to hear my thoughts as an outside viewer. I love hearing her inside take on things, too. What are you reading and watching, Fellow Adventurers?

Tuesday 5: Of Authors and Imagination

1. What does it say about the state of my life, when sprinting out of a book club in front of a semi-famous author really isn’t a low point? 

Yesterday, I walked two doors down to the General Lee’s to attend book club. We read “Lottery” by Patrica Wood. The author just happens to reside on Oahu and has an acquaintance in our book club. Being the only parent on this side of the globe, I was also juggling Laura Ingalls Wilder who was fighting some upper respiratory stuff, and the other three Little Explorers, who had tae kwon do. I enlisted one of the Grace Smith to babysit. She watched Laura Ingalls Wilder until I got back with the big Little Explorers, then took care of them all while I rushed down to book club, only a few minutes late. I was just starting to enjoy Mrs. Wood’s insight and an antipasto plate when I got a text, “Laura Ingalls Wilder is throwing up.” I sprinted out the door and down the block like Usain Bolt. (Ok, actually, I walked quickly. I don’t run. Ever.) Turns out Laura Ingalls Wilder was coughing so hard, she threw up. I got everything cleaned up and was about to send the sitter home, but she insisted on staying, since Laura Ingalls Wilder was highly unlikely to throw up again. I slunk back down to book club and into the back of the room. 

2. Laura Ingalls Wilder’s illness actually manifested a couple of weeks ago in the form of an eye and ear infection. I had a brilliant idea to skip the big pink hospital on the hill and drive further inland to an army post with an acute care clinic, thinking I’d save myself time, or at least be on my own schedule. When I mentioned my plan to Laura Ingalls Wilder, she lost her mind. “I SAID I’M NOT SICK. I DON’T WANT TO GO TO A CUTE FAIR. I FEEL FINE.” Fellow Adventurers, she did not feel fine. And the “a cute fair” would have been a great idea, had I not arrived to find out that every Army medical center in the entire Pacific was offline. I’ll spare you the details, but we did get everything worked out.

3. You probably all know, Fellow Adventurers, that Hawaii’s nickname is “The Rainbow State.” There are rainbows in the sky pretty much daily. Two weeks ago, I finally got to see the end of the rainbow. Not just see it, drive right through it. It was a little disappointing, but I definitely could tell the light changed as I drove through it. There was no pot of gold, though, which was disappointing, to say the least.

4. The Little Explorers’ latest fight over something imaginary was when they were playing restaurant not too long ago. Amelia Earhart made pretend money out of paper and Gertrude Bell owned the restaurant. Arthur Dent wandered in and placed his order at the pretend counter and dutifully counted out his paper currency. 

When his order arrived  on a pretend plate at his table, he looked at it with some disappointment and asked politely, “Excuse me, can I get some cheese on this?” 

Gertrude Bell stated firmly, “Cheese costs extra.” 

“Ok, I’ll pay extra.” he agreed. “Here’s $50.”

“NO. That is NOT how it works, Arthur Dent. You didn’t order cheese in the first place, so NO CHEESE FOR YOU.” 

Cue fisticuffs. 

End scene.

5. Watching? Reading? I have quite a pile of books growing on my nightstand. I think the next three to get my attention are, in this order, “A Study in Charlotte” by Brittany Cavallaro, “A Man Called Ove” by Fredrik Backman, and “American Gods” by Neil Gaiman. 

Tuesday 5: Squad Goals and Chickens

1. On the way home from school today, Arthur Dent and Laura Ingalls Wilder argued over whether they were watching Star Wars or Doc McStuffins on the DVD in the car. The yelling got so heated that Gertrude Bell chimed in, incensed, that Laura Ingalls Wilder had been watching Doc McStuffins first and Arthur Dent shouldn’t try to change it. PLOT TWIST! We don’t even have a DVD player in the car. They were arguing over an imaginary entertainment system.

2. I feel like I’ve been remiss in not introducing you Fellow Adventurers to what kids these day call my “ride or die.” Fortune smiled on The Intrigues when we ended up with neighbors like these. Our “squad” saved us from the brink of insanity during this first month of deployment and, I imagine, every month we have left. So, without further ado, I present the General Lees and the Dean Smiths. Mrs. General Lee hails from Georgia, and her husband Mr. General Lee is a Hawaiian native who grew up as an Army brat. They have twin girls the same age as Amelia Earhart, an older daughter, and a son, Mac Lee, who is Arthur Dent’s brother from another mother. The two of them are inseparable. The General Lees also have another major bonding point with The Intrigues. Mac Lee and Laura Ingalls Wilder are both our kids through interracial adoption. The Dean Smiths, who obviously went to UNC, complete the trifecta of neighbor awesomeness, have four girls and one boy. Their youngest girl, Lauren Smith, is the Larry to Mac Lee and Arthur Dent’s Curly and Moe. Mr. Dean Smith is also deployed at the moment, so Mrs. Dean Smith is my deployment wife. Now that they’ve been introduced, expect to see a lot more of them in the Tuesday 5.

3. Today, when we arrived home and calmed down from the imaginary DVD fight, Arthur Dent asked if he could play Star Wars Battlefront on the X-Box. I agreed to it but told him to go get Mac Lee to play with him. A few minutes later, I heard Arthur Dent make a beeping noise and tell Mac Lee to come over to play with him. Apparently, he was using telepathy to send Mac Lee the X-Box message. I shooed him out the door to deliver the message in person.

4. Every morning, I drive the Little Explorers, Mac Lee, and Grace Smith (Smith kid number 2 of 5) to school. On the way to Grace Smith’s school, we pass by a swath of land that’s narrow and goes back at least the full block. It would be like an alley if it was paved, but it’s grass and trees. And chickens. Wild chickens reside there. The kids have named it “Chicken Hangout” and Mac Lee made up a catchy theme song to sing when we pass by. Last week, there were two baby chicks among the chickens at Chicken Hangout. We’re watching them grow and hoping they make it to full sized chickens.

5. Starting a sentence, “I remember during the war,” makes me feel old. Sometimes I do it anyway.

Tuesday Random 5: Of Deployments and Disaster

Hoo boy, Fellow Adventurers. It has been a week. A long week. The first week of The International Man of Intrigue’s deployment has been a bit of a shitshow. Who’d expect anything else? Let’s get to it, shall we?

1. Laura Ingalls Wilder got double casts on her legs the day before The International Man of Intrigue flew out. She’s a habitual toe-walker (with no root cause), and her Achilles tendon was getting worryingly tight. She’s done well with the double casts, and got her second set today. We were granted a temporary handicap tag for parking, which has been a help, on the rare times there is actually a handicap spot open. In Hawaii, that’s few and far between. The process to get the tag involved me driving, alone, to the DMV. I realized that I’m a mom with entirely too little time to myself when I rejoiced and came back raving about how nice it was to go to the DMV alone.

2. Less than 48 hours after The International Man of Intrigue left, Arthur Dent and Amelia Earhart rode their scooters down the hill to get the mail. A few minutes later, my phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize. I answered, and it was a mother on the line. Arthur Dent crashed and burned and I needed to come down. I jogged down the hill to find him covered in blood. His hands were red. His shirt had rivulets of blood running down the Star Wars saying on the front. It was decidedly not good. After getting a debrief from the mom nursing him, I realized I’d need someone to drive us the block home. Neighbors were called, cuts were cleaned. In the end, he had an enormous goose egg on his forehead, despite having a helmet on, and a small cut on his chin. It was deep enough to produce lots of blood. He also had a major abrasion on his side, and smaller ones on his shoulder and knees. In short, the kid was a hot mess. I glued his chin with skin glue, held it together with a butterfly bandage, and stuck a regular band aid on top of all that to keep it clean. He slept with me so I could watch for symptoms of concussion. Five days later, he’s in pretty good shape, but it remains to be seen if he’ll be sporting a Harrison Ford scar on his chin. If so, I may have to change his name from Arthur Dent to Indiana Jones.

3. This last week, I’ve worked hard to strike a balance between “I need to stay informed,” and “I can’t take any more of this” regarding current events. I think I’m doing pretty well, but some days I really do have to tune out. 

4. Speaking of tuning out, I’m having a hard time finding something to watch in the evening. My awesome friend works on the show “Bloodline,” so I’ve been working through that, but I can only do an episode a night, since it’s kind of dark. Last night I watched an episode of “Santa Clarita Diet” on Netflix, and actually laughed out loud. It’s a bit gory, but definitely worth watching.

5. Through Arthur Dent’s crash, Laura Ingalls Wilder’s casts, and all the other nonsense in just the first week of deployment, I have been ridiculously blessed. That’s not a word I throw around lightly. I’m not of the “hashtag blessed” crowd. All this week, I’ve had so much support from near and far. My “squad” here delivered a big basket of goodies on the first morning, and rallied to help me with Arthur Dent’s accident. Cards and treats and gift cards have crowded my mailbox and little messages of encouragement have popped up in my inbox, text messages, and on Facebook. Shout out to you all. It means more than you know.

Tuesday Random 5: What Happens in January Stays In January Edition

1. Know what Hawaiians love? Backing into parking spaces, or combat parking, as we’ve always called it. I don’t back into parking spaces because I have crappy spatial relations. I actually backed into the edge of our garage a few months ago, and there wasn’t anything else around. So, the thought of backing into a parking space is a little terrifying to me. I actually feel like an oddity because I pull in instead of combat park. The one time I really don’t get it, though, is at the grocery store or Costco. It’s so much harder to unload the cart into the trunk space if there’s another car parked right in front of your back end. Why struggle with dragging the groceries the length of your car when you could just park nose first and load them right into the back?

2. My favorite part of January is playing the “How long will it take to find all the Christmas decorations we missed” game. I think we’re finished. Our main miss was the “Mele Kalikimaka” sign that hung on our front door for just a little longer than was reasonable. There are always a few little ornaments the kids make at school that trickle in, too. I’m going to take a leap of faith tomorrow and pull down a Christmas box to put the stragglers away.

3. Another big part of January for the Intrigue family is birthday season. Three of the Little Explorers have birthdays within 20 days of each other. We’re finally finished with birthday season this week. I’ll be glad to have the chaos pass for another year, and to finally not have to think so hard when someone asks me how old my kids are. “Uh, 10, 7, 5, and 3? No, wait, 10, 8, 5, and 3?” Now, for the next 10 months, I can say, “10, 8, 6, and 3,” and be sure.

4. Last week, I texted the International Man of Intrigue and said, “Well, I think I accidentally started my own business.” I put out word on Facebook to see if there would be any interest in commissioning me to do cross stitch pieces.  I immediately had five requests. I’m going to go for it. I find cross stitch relaxing and love to make pieces for other people anyway, so this will be fun. Even though I’m charging for supplies and labor, it’s definitely not a money making venture- with time factored in, I won’t be making much, if anything, but I’ll get to make something for someone who enjoys it. Keep a lookout on my FB page. I also plan on doing a few “ready to purchase” pieces, both tiny and bigger. 

5. Ok, I have to get off the computer. The International Man of Intrigue is waiting for me- we’ve started watching The OA on Netflix. It’s creepy and he’s ready for another episode! Tomorrow, we’re heading to the swap meet at the Aloha Bowl Stadium. It’s one of those things we definitely need to check off of our “Living in Hawaii” bucket list.

Dorothy Gale OUT. PEACE!

Tuesday Random 5: It's 2017! Edition

1. As Sherlock would say, “The Game is On.” I’m trying to relax as much as possible before The International Man of Intrigue’s deployment day comes, but as the January calendar fills up, the thought of 2017 stretching out in front of me makes my heart race.

2. It’s kind of funny being back on an active military post. Over Christmas, I was out and about running errands at the Naval Exchange. It’s kind of like a big department store. During the short time I was there, I saw a huge contingent from some Asian country, wearing their dress uniforms. I was rushing through the clothing section to make it to the Class Six (liquor store) when I saw an airman browsing through the shoe section in full battle rattle with her M-16. 

3. One of the big headlines on Hawaii News Now today is the shocking cold front that’s coming through. The actual headline reads, “Forecast: Bundle up! Cold front on its way in.” The seven day forecast calls for temperatures between 81 and 78. The struggle is real.

4. Do any of you Fellow Adventurers have any New Years Resolutions? I’m doing my usual—not resolutions per se, but a chance to recommit to things I always try to do, like journaling and exercising more regularly. Definitely not something I feel guilty about if I don’t succeed, more of a push to get back into things.

5. What have you been reading, Fellow Adventurers? I just finished reading “The Girl With All the Gifts” for a book club I’m in. I was handed the book a week before Christmas after British Neighbor finished it on the plane ride to visit us. Since then, three people have read it. It really is that good. I’m also reading “Britt-Marie Was Here,” the so far slightly disappointing sequel to “My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry,” which was one of my favorite books of 2016. I imagine the sequel is disappointing because I liked the first book so much. I don’t hate it, though. It just isn’t quite as enrapturing as the first. I’m also reading “Truly Madly Guilty” for another book club. Skip that one, Fellow Adventurers. It’s really awful. I’m to the point of skimming. I would honestly stop reading it, but since it’s for book club, 1. I had to pay for it instead of getting it from the library so I’d have it on time, and 2. I feel like I should finish so I can discuss how much it’s just rubbish.

Tuesday 5: It's Still Tuesday on My Island Edition

1. *cracks knuckles* Let’s see, I think I remember how to type. It’s been a while, I checked. I’ve blogged four times since we left Florida. In some ways, it’s been a tough transition to island life, including finding out that The International Man of Intrigue will be undertaking a year long deployment before too long. So, I’m about to be marooned on a tropical island with four kids and no husband. Good times.

2. I’m watching a whole bunch of stuff right now. Season 3 of “The Fall” is disappointing from a plot standpoint, but still a winner from a writing and Gillian Anderson angle. “This Is Us” is the only thing we’ve picked up that’s new, and it’s been well worth it. I started “Bloodline” because a friend works on the show, but The International Man of Intrigue wasn’t super hip on it, so I’m saving it for later. I also binge “Gilmore Girls” every time I have a little while to myself. Anything I’m missing, Fellow Adventurers?

3. I’ve cleared a number of people off of my social media friends lists lately. I’m sure they think it’s something personal, that they’re too right wing or too left wing or too something. Mostly it was too much negative. Not the negative that’s sad because their party lost or upset because the other party is protesting, but the negative that uses terms like “libtard” and “crybaby” or “deplorables” and “racists” and generalizing about an entire group. I’m not perfect by any means. Sometimes I’m mean and negative and not very pleasant, too. I just know myself and I know that I have to surround myself with positive to get through the year adventure of being marooned on a tropical island with my kids while my husband is off somewhere third-world-y.

4. I’m kind of at a loss. You’d think I’d have more to say since I’ve been mostly saving up my words for months now. Not so. Since I have nothing of value to say, let’s go back to an old standby. What are you reading, Fellow Adventurers? I’m finishing up “The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay,” to be followed by “Britt-Marie Was Here,” which is the sequel to a book I loved, “My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry.”

5. Finally, the Little Explorers: Laura Ingalls Wilder is turning into quite a little girl. She’s in that fun stage where she imagines and sings and dances and it’s darling. Arthur Dent has grown leaps and bounds since school started but he’s still my little guy. His jam right now is “Say Geronimo” by Sheppard. He loves to sing it at top volume. Amelia Earhart is on the robotics team at school and gives me a heart attack at least once a week when I realize she’s almost double digits in age. Gertrude Bell is having a cavity filled tomorrow. I’m petrified. 

Tuesday 5: It's Wednesday Edition

1. Yesterday, I walked down the street, introduced myself to a woman I’ve never met, and whisked her 9 month old away to my house. This is what happens in military life. Her husband is deployed, the movers were bringing her household goods, and a mutual friend, who is helping her with the mover’s inventory, texted me and asked if I could help out. I think I got the easy job- he’s a little red headed butterball and super sweet to boot. The best part is that my ovaries have in no way indicated that they’d like to see another Little Explorer after spending time with Butterball. It’s nice confirmation that baby fever does subside and four is a good number for us. Oh, and in a random twist, it turns out Butterball’s mom and dad are mutual friends of good friends of ours from college. (Cue “It’s a Small World.”)

2. The Labor Day holiday weekend was another short one for the Intrigue Family. As is so often the case, The International Man of Intrigue was traveling for most of the weekend. He returned from India on Sunday afternoon, and we did end up having an impromptu pizza and beer party in our driveway with some neighbors on Sunday night, as well as a cookout at the neighbors’ house on Monday. It ended up being a nice weekend, but clocking in at a day and a half, it was far too short.

3. The International Man of Intrigue and I just finished watching “Battlestar Galactica” and then binged watched Netflix’s “Stranger Things” in about three days. “Stranger Things” is part Stand By Me, part X-Files, and part Goonies. It is kind of scary, but really good!

4. I remember, when I was first out on my own, half my life ago, that I had a revelation. I was brought up to eat whatever was on my plate, even if I didn’t care for it. When I was at the grocery store, alone, with my own money, I realized I never had to eat canned creamed corn again. It’s taken me until recently to realize the same applies to books. I’ve always been a voracious reader. I’ll read about anything I can get my hands on, even the label on the creamed corn. Earlier this year, I started reading a book, realized it wasn’t my cup of tea, and quit reading it. That was sort of a watershed moment for me. I started thinking about what the books I really enjoy have in common and have done a better job of choosing what I want to read. It turns out I’ve been skipping out on mysteries and detective novels, which I love, because I don’t like scary books, and these often overlap with suspense or horror, but if I’m careful, I can find books in this genre I really enjoy. I also enjoy books set during either of the world wars. I discovered (thanks to Mrs. British Neighbor) the Ian Rutledge mysteries by Charles Todd. Detective novels set shortly after The Great War are currently my cup of tea. 

5. I was texting with the mom of a student in Gertrude Bell’s class. We were bemoaning our kids’ after school behavior and I mentioned that I was having a late afternoon cup of coffee to hopefully make it through until bedtime. She said it was time to switch to wine. I got to wondering, why is there not caffeinated wine? Or caffeinated booze in general? Someone make this happen.

Tuesday 5: Keeping the Little Explorers Alive Edition

1. I’m gunning for the parenting sweet spot, folks. I’m still far from having self sufficient kids, but last week, it was as if a beam of heavenly sunshine picked me to illuminate. Gertrude Bell has to read out loud for 20 minutes every day. Arthur Dent has to be read to for 20 minutes a day. Cue angels singing. I do not have to be a part of this! Gertrude Bell reads to Arthur Dent at night before bed and I just have to sign their papers! Finally, having a lot of kids relatively close together results in a win! (In case you’re wondering, this never worked with Amelia Earhart reading to Gertrude Bell because Amelia Earhart has been reading about 17 grade levels above her age since she finally figured out how to read.)

2. I’m exhausted. It used to be, when the International Man of Intrigue went to the field or TDY (That’s Temporary Duty for all you non-giant-governmental-organization folks.) I would do something like stay up late repainting a room or sewing new curtains. Now, I mostly go to bed early and try to keep the Little Explorers alive and fed. No one tells you when you have kids that the keeping alive part is really a lot of work. For example, Arthur Dent is determined to fall and crack his head open in the bathtub or shower. He even did fall a couple of times in Florida, yet the warning seems to come as new information every time. 

“Arthur Dent, no jumping in the tub.” 

“But, Mama, I wasn’t jumping. I was just hopping.” 

“Arthur Dent!”

“That was dancing.”
“No dancing either. Can you mostly just keep your feet still and on the bottom of the shower at all times?”

(Five minutes later…)

“ARTHUR DENT, DO NOT JUMP OUT OF THE BATHTUB. YOU ARE GOING TO CRACK YOUR HEAD OPEN AND HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!”

“I’m sorry, Mama. Can I karate chop my way out?”

“NOOOOO!”

3. I took the kids to the pool this weekend and managed to get burnt to a crisp. I can’t even tell you the last time I got a sunburn. I’m a big believer in sunblock. I guess I should have had the Little Explorers sunscreen up before we left the house, but instead we did it poolside. Putting sunscreen on Little Explorers is about as easy as giving a cat a bath, and then add to it that the pool was mere feet away, and it was a workout. By the time it was done, I was too busy trying to make sure no one was drowning to realize that I had forgotten my own sunscreen. Two days later and I’m still red and a little uncomfortable.

4. This week, Hawaii is expecting visits from two tropical storms, as well as from President Obama. I bought so much food at Costco yesterday I could barely push my cart to the parking lot. I think The Intrigues will be ok.

5. One major thing I’ve learned about Hawaii is to pack drinks and snacks, or even lunch, every time you leave the house. In the last couple of weeks, I have had what should have been quick errands turn into multi-hour outings. Since Laura Ingalls Wilder is still at home all day and is my sidekick for all these shenanigans, we ended up eating out a few more times than I would have liked. I should clarify- one of those times eating lunch out was shoving money into a vending machine and feeding my child a well rounded meal of fritos and M&Ms. Now I keep a reusable water bottle with me and granola bars and almonds stashed in my purse. If I think there’s a chance that we’ll be out within an hour of meal time, I up our rations. Aloha, baby.

Tuesday 5: It's Mostly Wednesday Edition

Surprise! It’s a Random 5! For most of you, it will be on a random day, since it’s Tuesday night here, and Wednesday most everywhere else in my readership.

1. Do you remember those episodes of The Brady Bunch where they visit Hawaii? One of the boys finds a tiki and it brings them all kinds of bad luck. They also have enough near misses to believe it’s a good luck charm. Let’s just say that after our first week or so in Hawaii, I was tearing through luggage looking for tikis. Hotel issues, housing issues, getting those resolved, then moving into a house and having some big items, including a piece of the bunk bed and a wooden shelf, show up from the mainland in pieces, having two of the Little Explorers get a false positive on their tuberculosis tests, were just the major issues. I never found a tiki, and things have gotten better, so I guess I’ll stop humming The Brady Bunch theme song for now.

2. We drove our mini van, Van Halen, from Florida to Los Angeles, as you may recall. There are lots of weird things to see on a cross country road trip. The weirdest thing we saw was a burning mattress on the side of a major interstate during rush hour. Weirder was that no one else seemed to think it was out of place. 

3. I am writing today even though I feel pretty brain dead. The reason? Today I left the house around 9:45 for a quick trip to the post office and to get an out of state permit for my car at the DMV. The International Man of Intrigue already went through this process for his Jeep and assured me it was quick and painless. Let’s just say that I arrived home three and a half hours after I left the house. The wait at the DMV was LONG. Painfully long. Once I got to the window, it took less than five minutes for me to finish my business and leave. 

4. I’ve had some time to reflect, and I think a lot of the misery we felt when we first arrived on island was compounded by outside pressure. Well meaning friends and family back home were constantly asking us if we’d gone to the beach or on a hike or seen Diamond Head or the sea turtles or had shaved ice or eaten pineapple yet. It was adding to our stress levels that had already skyrocketed with arranging a place to live and taking possession of our belongings and our cars and going back and forth to get the Little Explorers cleared for and enrolled in school. Once we took a step back and reminded ourselves that we’d have plenty of time for the fun stuff, it took a lot of pressure off. After all, we LIVE here, we’re not on vacation. We have the next three years to find our favorite spots and see all the things the islands have to offer. We can also let some of the well meaning questions and comments roll off now that we realize there’s a difference between visiting paradise and living here.

5. What are you watching and reading right now, Fellow Adventurers? I spent the last two weeks watching the Olympics any chance I got. I enjoyed it, but I’m glad it’s over. I just started reading “The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay” by Michael Chabon. I think I’m going to really enjoy it.

Tuesday 5: Status Update

A little update since I haven't blogged in a while:

1. We've made it by car from Florida to LA. It took 23 days and a healthy percentage of my sanity.

2. We fly to Hawaii tomorrow. That will be the rest of my sanity you see plummeting into the Pacific.

3. Since we arrived in LA, we've spent most of our time prepping the van to be shipped and buying, weighing, redistributing, weighing, repacking, weighing, tagging, and weighing suitcases.

4. I did get to spend the evening with my friend Dani NoFacebook. We talked until they kicked us out of the hotel bar, which was still about two hours less than i think we'd have liked.

5. The Little Explorers have been champs on the road. Fingers crossed they do as well in the air. 

Tuesday 5: Moving Stuff

1. I’m not sure I really have five things this week. We’re getting down to the brass tacks of moving. The pantry is almost empty and dinner is becoming like an episode of “Chopped.” I just made something along the lines of home made Hamburger Helper for dinner. Some turkey italian sausage, a can of diced tomatoes, and the last of some egg noodles that were hiding behind the regular pasta in the pantry. Throw in some random spices, and the kids acted like they’d never had anything quite so delicious.

2. I saw Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman on TV a couple of days ago. Their idea of a date night looks like it must be a visit to the plastic surgeon. It’s a pity, too, because they were both very attractive before they started nipping and tucking and botoxing. 

3. For Mother’s Day, I got an iTunes gift card so I can stock my iPod with some new music for the upcoming move and roadtrip. Any suggestions for new music? I like a little of everything. I keep meaning to check out some new Florence and the Machine and Avett Brothers, so any suggestions from them would be helpful. I’d also like upbeat suggestions for when I’m driving. 

4. For Mother's Day, we also took everything out of the master bedroom closet and stuffed it in all the other closets. Now, our closet is the "Do Not Pack" room for when the movers come. I'm also tearing apart and making messes everywhere. The art supplies, kid books, kitchen stuff, all of it, and trying to get rid of stuff. Ugh. I'll be glad when it's gone, it's getting through everything that takes too much work.

5. I don't have anything for this one because The International Man of Intrigue wants to use my laptop and it’s making me feel rushed and I can’t think under pressure.

Tuesday 5: People We Like and People We Don't

1. Sorry I missed you all last week. We had to be out of the house for a showing and by the time I got back and got life back on track, I was out of ability to form coherent thought. I did try. Here is the one item I wrote last week: “I’m currently sitting in a controversial chicken restaurant, watching the kids run around like crazy people, while I wait for the house to be shown. I had big plans to type this on my wireless keyboard, but I ran off and left it, my tote bag, and some coupons on the counter. My realtor says a clean and uncluttered kitchen is the most important thing. Now the potential buyers will walk in, see my Joann’s coupons, and walk out, leaving us to wallow in non-sale misery.”

2. Now, on to this week. We started off the week by having some old friends over for a cookout on Sunday. We were stationed with them back when Amelia Earhart and Gertrude Bell were born. They moved to our area a year (or two?) ago, and we had been remiss in not seeing them. We had a great visit and our kids had a great time playing together. We should have done that years ago. Literally.

3. In the complete opposite direction, today The International Man of Intrigue had a conversation with one of his bosses. The boss was referring to something The International Man of Intrigue was working on and stated very matter of factly, “I don’t like this. I don’t like…I don’t like you. I’ve never liked you.” What the heck??? Now, this guy is sick, so maybe his internal monologue isn’t working, but I think that’s a weird thing to just let someone know in passing. 

4. I prefer to handle people I don’t like in a more discreet manner. Yesterday I was at Costco filling up my van, Van Halen, with gas, when I realized there was someone I knew at the pump behind me. It was the wife of a family we vaguely knew at a past duty station. The husband works with The International Man of Intrigue and The International Man of Intrigue has been “accidentally” forgetting to give the guy my number to pass along for the last two years. I very carefully let my hair blow in my face while I finished filling up and jumped back into the safety of Van Halen as soon as I could get the gas cap back in place.

5. Yesterday I was listening to NPR and heard a story about alternative food sources. They were discussing flour made from crickets. Surprisingly, the thought of eating something made out of cricket flour does not gross me out. What about you, Fellow Adventurers?

6. (Bonus since I skipped last week.) I’ll end with a classic conversation with Arthur Dent. We were on the way to school last week when he asked if I’d help him put his socks on. I told him I couldn’t do it while I was driving. He responded, “I know, I know. It’s because you only have two arms. What if you had four arms? Then you could totally help me with my socks.”

The Good Gray Poet

This is the quote that Facebook said was blocked when I tried to post it. You can tell it's super controversial. 

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

-Walt Whitman

Tuesday Five: I Crashed My Neighbor's Car

1. The Intrigue abode is on the market. I’m not telling you this so you can buy it, but if you are interested, hit me up. I’m telling you this because I have to keep the house clean so it can be shown on short notice. This is not easy for me. At all. 

2. Proof that no good deed goes unpunished: Yesterday we had a showing and the house was still sort of a mess from the weekend. I was at Target with Mrs. British Neighbor when I got the call. She offered to help me clean up. After a couple of hours of cleaning, it was time to pick Arthur Dent up from school. Mrs. British Neighbor offered to stick around for a bit longer. I loaded up a tantruming-as-usual Laura Ingalls Wilder and headed out to get Arthur Dent. Yep. I backed out of the garage and sideswiped Mrs. British Neighbor’s fancy new Volkswagen. I don’t have much else to say about that except that I’m picking her up from the auto body shop when she drops it off next week. I’ll also be going inside to pay for it.

3. Season 2 of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” is on Netflix now. It’s as hilarious as Season 1, but with a little more exploration into the characters’ feelings and angst. I’m a little sad because I think we’ll finish it tonight. 

4. What are you reading? I’m about halfway through “The Readers of Broken Wheel Recommend.” It’s a cute twist on the book club novel, although a bit predictable. Any suggestions about what I should read next, Fellow Adventurers?

5. I’ll end tonight with a quote. “When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.” -Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel

Tuesday 5: Tough Kids and Other Things to be Thankful For.

1. We have a lot to be thankful for this week. The International Man of Intrigue got some job related news that we’d been waiting for and worrying over for months. It comes as a big relief to have this news before we start our move to Hawaii, and we’re grateful that it went the way we hoped.

2. This week is also the two year anniversary of Laura Ingalls Wilder’s official adoption day. Her Godfather is visiting this week as well, so we went out to dinner tonight to celebrate her Adoptaversary. Everyone enjoyed it, and Laura Ingalls Wilder was mostly tantrum free. We’re so glad, tantrums and all, that she’s our kid.

3. In the last week, I’ve started taking pictures of Laura Ingalls Wilder while she's throwing temper tantrums in various places. At first, I felt kind of horrible about it, but after I started posting them to Facebook, I actually started feeling better for a couple of reasons. The first is selfish- it takes me out of the moment, just for a second, and really helps me keep my cool when I could get really angry or frustrated instead. The second is that it seems like people really enjoy seeing the “real” side of life. I love it when other parents of kids her age share with me that their kids are throwing fits, too. It’s so hard when it seems like it’s all day, every day. I never thought a little picture would calm me down, add some levity, and provide a little smile for everyone. Here’s to the Tantrum Photo Series!

4. I cleaned out my purse this week. I find that there’s always something unusual in there. This week, I found the x-ray of Amelia Earhart’s broken nose. If you don’t remember, she earned it playing football. I’m not sure why the x-ray is in my purse, though.

5. Speaking of Amelia Earhart and her toughness, Amelia Earhart and Gertrude Bell went to a roller skating birthday party on Saturday. Gertrude Bell played it safe by learning to skate and sticking to the carpeted area near the rink. In true Amelia Earhart fashion, she took a little while to get the feel for it and then headed out to learn on the rink. She fell down quite a few times, and hard. Every time she got back up and kept trying. She came home with some nasty bruises. I love her determination when it comes to things like that. 

Tuesday 5: Not Metaphorically Speaking

1. I may have had a minor moving induced meltdown this afternoon. The movers came to walk through and give us an estimate on the amount of stuff we own. When you move with the military, you’re given a certain amount of weight. The movers estimated we’re 5,500 pounds over our allowed weight. After I finished hyperventilating and ate some dinner and took a 20 minute nap I realized a few things. Number one is that we are probably slightly overweight, but not by 5,500 pounds. The second is that it’s just stuff. We don’t need it to be happy. Watch this space for a good deal on buying a piece of The Intrigue Family’s actual belongings- the ones that the Smithsonian doesn’t want, that is.

2. There’s a new Selena Gomez song that I’m finding very problematic. It’s called “Hands to Myself,” and I’m sure it’s problematic in a lot of ways, but there’s one line that really bothers me. The phrase “metaphorical gin and juice” makes me cringe. If you have to explain that you’re using a metaphor, is it still a metaphor? The whole point of metaphor in poetry or literature or song seems to disintegrate when one has to point out that one is using a metaphor as a literary or lyrical device. Rant over.

3. Speaking of music, I’m still really mad that Sarah McLachlan totally ruined that song “Arms of an Angel.” I used to really enjoy it, but now I just see crying puppies and kittens. Thanks a lot.

4. Being the mother of a toddler is a great time. Today, Laura Ingalls Wilder didn’t nap. There was too much going on at our house with people in and out as we prep for a move. She was cheerful despite all that, until she accidentally got a 20 minute nap in the car when we went to pick up the big girls from school. I woke her up when we got home. She proceeded to throw herself on the floor and scream for the next 20 minutes. It was so awesome. 

5. I asked The International Man of Intrigue what else I should write about tonight. He answered, “Spies.” I’m sure it’s because we’ve been marathoning “The Americans” on Amazon Prime lately. I asked what I should say about spies, and he said, “I don’t know. Spies.” So, number five this week is Just Spies. See you next week.